I’ve written on here before how one of my biggest weaknesses is a tendency to talk without thinking. I remember, 20 years ago, when I was student teaching, my University supervisor warning me that someday my tongue was going to get me in trouble. That’s always stuck in the back of my head, and on more than one occasion, I’ve felt that statement was coming true. I won’t go into the details, but the number of times I’ve feared a word too far has been uttered is more than can be counted on two hands. From hurtful words to friends and family; to brusque statements to colleagues, students and strangers; and don’t even get me started on the knee-jerk reactions that message boards and social media inspire! One of my flaws is feeling a need to answer immediately. I may be in complete agreement with what someone is saying, and as such, I can’t wait any longer. I’m always feeling a need to comment. It’s gotten to the point where I now will bite on my lower lip while the speaker is going, to physically prevent me from interrupting. When I’m on the other end, such as facing a criticism or a disagreement, it’s the exact opposite. There, I wait till the speaker is done before crafting a response. In my younger days, I wouldn’t even let the speaker finish a sentence, I was in such a hurry to defend myself. Still, the point stands; when it comes to firing off a verbal round, I am always in fear of writing a check I can’t cash. Which makes me wonder, in our world of electronic financial transactions, is that an analogy that longer carries cache? But I digress.
St. Josemaria Escriva recognized the danger in a sharp-edged tongue. For him, it could prove an undoing of one’s own spiritual life. Here’s what he said in The Way about such conduct:
#453: Back-biting? Then you are losing the right spirit, and if you don’t learn to check your tongue, each word will be one more step toward the exit from that apostolic undertaking in which you work.
Escriva doesn’t get into detail regarding the kind of comments that could be your undoing; he makes the umbrella wide, since there’s really no shortage of potential verbal pitfalls. It could be gossiping. It could be sharing information that shouldn’t be spread. It could be publicly looking for faults in another person. It could be just using inappropriate language. Frankly, there’s no shortage of examples, and I’ve been guilty of most of them. Such behavior is bad for multiple reasons. On the most basic level, it’s just bad form, and can cause you professional and personal problems. I remember a while back, at a previous institution, our football team dropped a very discouraging game. Members of the band staff, of which I was the head, were all in a foul mood, and tempers were needlessly raised. Looking back on it now, it was completely ridiculous. We were talking college football. There’s no need to let it get to us personally. Yet, in my bad temper, I snapped at a good person, a valued member of the staff. It didn’t take too long for me to realize I was in the wrong. I felt terrible afterward, and spent much of the evening, trying to apologize to the wronged party. Since then, thanks to the kind guidance of my wonderful wife, I’ve gotten better about putting sports into perspective. Florida choking away a lead in the 2012 Elite 8 only left me in a foul mood for about 20 minutes. These days, I tend to get disappointed, but not too depressed, and hopefully no longer angry. But still, the potential for damage done by the unguarded tongue is always there.
For Escriva, the risk of the unchecked tongue is not just the hot water the speaker may find themselves in. The Escriva theology is all about how you live your life in this world, in the society you are in. How can you, in your everyday life, aspire to holiness? Escriva is not calling for you to leave your father Zebedee in the boat, while you give up on all earthly cares in pursuit of Jesus. Rather, Escriva wants you to stay at your job, your place in society, but direct your aims higher. And in doing so, that’s how you will be a missionary. The way you live your life will attest to God. Dedicate your life to Jesus, and the way you carry yourself in this world can attract others to Him. With that being the case, the danger of the unchecked tongue is clear. Not only are you committing a sin, you are also ruining your chance to set an example of a life in Christ. St. Paul writes of the fruits of the Spirit in Galatians 5. Amongst the fruits described is self-control. The speaker who shows no restraint in what comes out of their mouth would seem to be lacking in that fruit. And let us not forget Matthew 7, Jesus warns against false prophets by saying that “You will know them by their fruit.” Clearly, a tongue without discretion is fruit that we can do without.
When you accept Christ, you are agreeing to a higher standard. In many ways, you are agreeing to not be part of society. I don’t mean to say you drop out. Escriva himself would say that’s a bad course of action. But what he would most likely say is that you are setting your sights on things not of society. What the world values is not necessarily what you value. To love and serve the Lord, to love your neighbor as yourself, those may not be values shared by the society in which you live. Live in that society, but do not necessarily put your heart on what it holds dear. The language used by your friends, neighbors, acquaintances and more may be fine for them, but not for you. You accepted Jesus, you need to hold yourself to something higher. Should a Christian be gossiping? Should a Christian be critical of another? Should a Christian use questionable language? It may be convenient to speak behind someone’s back, but as we’re told, the gate is narrow. The path of salvation isn’t supposed to be easy. And if we are hoping to find others to join us, then we need to make sure the way we carry ourselves is one that truly reflects the faith we profess.
In my teaching, I caution my students of how they are perceived. In a group activity such as band, there are no individuals. One person makes a poor decision, everyone is held accountable. We all can be guilty by association. So it goes with our faith. People can judge Christianity not by the Words in the Bible but by the actions and words of those who claim to follow Jesus. We are all probably familiar with Gandhi’s famous quote, “I like your Christ. I do not like your Christians.” Throughout history, we’ve probably been our own worst enemy. From the Crusades to disgraced televangelists to sex scandals, you will find no shortage of misdeeds/evil committed by those who claim to follow Christ. It’s easy to see why someone would reject Christ, based on such actions. It’s why we have to hold ourselves to a higher standard. Escriva knew this; it’s why he cautions us to be mindful of the words we use.
There’s that old adage, “The pen is mightier than the sword.” Instead of “pen,” you could say “Words are….” They can build up and they can tear down. And unfortunately, in our world, it is usually easier to say the things that harm than help. After all, jealous/envy/anger make us want to tear others down. And sometimes, we can find ourselves challenged to say something nice about someone. We’ve been hurt; we’re upset; we just don’t want to like someone. It’d be far easier to say what we are feeling. But again, no one ever said this was going to be easy. Take your time and watch your tongue. Words are powerful; what you say reflects on how someone perceives the creed in which you believe. Everyday interaction are opportunities for witness, whether we are discussing God or not. And the words we use, they are the fruits by which our faith can be judged. When you think of it that way, are there really any idle words?
Lord, please bless us with the discretion, that the words we choose reflect a faith in You, and a desire to live in the way You taught us. May, by our conduct, others see the way to You, and that we may live to glorify You. In Your Name we pray, Amen.
guyinaboater 